The Problem with Bamboo Royalties
by wooden cards
Summary: The Princess of the Yato planet has finally hit 18! With newfound freedom, she sets out on a journey eagerly only to find out that... it's cancelled? Not quite. OkiKagu.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I have several things I'd like to mention about this fic, even though I know you'd just want to read but I need you to read them first to prevent confusion with the story later on.

Firstly, this is pure AU (I'm a huge sucker for AUs) and in this AU, Kagura's mother is alive and healthy. Since she doesn't have a name canonically, I decided to name her Ogetsu. Ogetsu doesn't sound very pretty, but since Umibozu and Kagura are based on Japanese mythology, I decided to go with it as well. For those of you who do not know, Kagura is based on Kaguya-hime and Umibozu on… well, Umibozu. Ogetsu is based on **Ogetsu**hime-no-kami, or Uke Mochi. Since nobody names their child Uke Mochi, I figured Ogetsu is the best I can do. Sorry if it sounds weird, but you'll have to accept it. And as to why I named her after that deity, it's because that deity is the goddess of food. Yay for research.

Next, my fic will be loosely based around Kaguya-hime's story (the tale of the bamboo cutter for those who are interested) and Edo. Because Kagura belongs to royalty, I modeled her family after the Imperial Family in Japan who, historically, are the ones that Mimawarigumi are in charge of. But this time, I'm going to put the Shinsengumi in charge of Kagura and I assume we are all OkiKagu fans here, so you know where I'm going, right? By the way, Shinsengumi is as per normal here.

Lastly, I made up tribes here and there to help with the story. Like I said, this is pure AU, and because I'm not informed enough on the other planets Gintama has to offer, I'm just going to make up my own. _Goku Goku _is the 'glub glub' sound, and the Hashi planet I will bring up later means Chopsticks. They are the Chopsticks tribe and they are great. I do not own Gintama though.

I put a lot of research into this, so much that my brain hurts. This is going to be the first OkiKagu fic that I am actually so serious about. I can only hope for the best on where it goes. Anywho, I'm sorry if I bored you with so many points. I'll place my ANs on top only when I have things I need you to take note of. If you are confused by the story, it'll make sense from the next chapter onwards. Bear with me.

I hope you like it!

* * *

"The Princess is arriving!" The two rows of soldiers shout out in unison.

Soon, white four-eyed stallions trot by the line of servants, carrying along a red carriage. As a form of respect, the Yato men go down on one knee with their heads slightly bowed. The horses come to a stop in front of the Imperial Palace not long after, and one of the soldiers stumbles out of the line hurriedly to open the carriage door.

"P-Princess…!" He greets nervously. His voice wavers like a man on his first day at work.

Seconds later, a young lady jumps down the carriage and lands on the carpeted floor. Looking up, she throws a cheerful wave at the young guard.

"Yo!" She says with a grin on her face. The young man takes a step back, blushing. He looks around at the rows of men that are still knelt down, and they seem unfazed by the Princess' behavior. Unlike him, the veterans are used to the Princess' chirpiness.

He didn't expect the Princess to be acting like this – she would be a more refined figure in his imagination. But then again, her beauty surpasses his expectations. The long, vermillion pigtails resting on her shoulders give off a shine under the light of the moon like rumors say, and the white _qipao_ she wears today befits the royal image with its intricate designs. Although she does not give off the impression of a Princess in terms of behavior, her appearance shows that she is a blooming one.

Princess Kagura walks down the path to the Imperial Palace, an eager gleam in her azure eyes. The skies are looking good, with stars visible in the dark skies. It always rains on their planet, so the Yato are excited when it doesn't – they take it as a good sign.

She is in a good mood today. Her birthday is going well so far, with no raining skies and cute soldiers opening the door for her. And now, she gets to wear a her mummy's old _qipao _to celebrate her eighteenth birthday.

"Rise, my men." She tells them gently. They comply quickly, and she has to admit that she is still overwhelmed by their show of respect at times. She doesn't feel like a Princess at all, but they always make her feel like one.

* * *

In the centre of the grand hall, a middle-aged and bald man stands and starts on the birthday speech. Umibozu, the Emperor and father of Kagura, continues his speech like he does on the every other birthdays of his daughter, congratulating her and wishing her well.

Kagura sits by the table surrounded with important people, frowning. Even though she's taught that it's bad manners, she plants an elbow on the table and cups her cheek with a hand. Clearly, she is bored. Papi does that speech thing every birthday, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't sick of it already. He likes to stick to tradition and unlike her, does not like to do things he has never done before. He is a person by routine, which to her makes a boring person. How does he stand living like that, she wonders, no wonder Mummy is sick of all his naggings too.

The grand hall, that is flamboyantly decorated, currently houses hundreds of guests who have arrived to celebrate Kagura's birthday. It bustles with laughter from the merrymaking amongst guests and all is well. They all seem awfully chatty today, including the important guests sitting all around her. From what she's heard, they're supposed to be knights who have served the planet for a long time or royalties from neighboring planets. They are all trying to engage her into conversation, to her disdain.

Out of all of them, she finds the prince sitting on her left the most irritating one. Apparently, he is the Prince of _Goku Goku _Planet, which figures why he has fins attached to the sides of his blue head. Prince GG keeps trying to keep a conversation with her - he asks her things she really couldn't give a shit about, ranging from the weather (it is always the same here on their bloody planet) to how does she feel about her birthday (as of now, she is really bored, thanks for asking). She knows that as a princess, she's supposed to show respect, but frankly she doesn't feel like doing that at the moment. Kagura is concerned with other things, like the things she's supposed to have at a birthday party. (And the things don't include boring guests.)

Where are her presents? Her royal birthday treatment? For a second she thinks maybe Papi's forgotten that eighteen is the important age in the Yato's life. It is the age she is supposed to be given the freedom to go wherever she wants to! Papi said so himself, from the stories he told her about his alien hunting during his days as a free-roaming prince. It is the Imperial Family's tradition to be able to let their children wander freely at the age of eighteen for two years. The two years would help them in their soul searching, or to improve their capabilities as a ruler. That is the reason why her stupid brother isn't present today – he is away on a trip to improve his fighting capabilities.

"Can everyone just shut the hell up already. It's making my head hurt." Kagura mutters under her breath. Prince GG gets the hint and finally is silent for once. Beside her, her mother nudges her while hiding her smile.

"Kagura-chan, listen to your father when he speaks." She says demurely. Ogetsu is the only person whom Kagura ever listens to in the family. Papi's an idiot like her brother, and the Empress neutralizes all the idiocy by holding the reins. Kagura's glad she got most of the genes from her mother.

"On the wonderful occasion of my daughter's birthday, I'd also like to point out a few things." The Yato's ears perk up and she turns to face her father, who has a rueful expression on as he says his words. His expression looks like a face a father would have towards his child who is about to move out of the house, which makes the princess smirk. About damn time.

"At the age of eighteen, my dear daughter, Kagura, will be granted the freedom to leave her home behind to improve on herself as well. She will be given the opportunity to explore the outside world like the Imperial tradition says and as her father, I wish nothing more than to have her back safe and sound." Umibozu looks at Kagura this time, with an almost teary smile. "Let us dedicate a toast to her and to all the things she will face on her journey. Papi loves you, Kagura. You've grown up now and it's time to spread your wings."

The clinking of glasses resounds throughout the hall and Kagura feels her eyes almost tearing up too. She stands up as well, and holds up her cup to toast to Prince GG beside her (who is understandably, surprised) and laughs.

"Stupid Papi, there's nothing to worry about!"

* * *

After the toast, cake-cutting and dinner, Kagura finds herself back in her room again. Her room is undoubtedly girly and pink, with stuffed rabbits scattered all over the room. This is because Papi told her she couldn't keep pets anymore in the Imperial Palace (he lied to her to save space in the garden with all the pets she buried there) and because she sulked for the next few days after he told her that, he bought her all the stuffed rabbits as an act of apology. The rabbit plushies aren't alive, but they are soft to hug and great sleeping companions for her. She'll miss them, along with the huge and fluffy pink bed that's big enough to accommodate a king. There are a lot of things she'll miss after she leaves.

A huge suitcase sits on the side of her bed, opened and empty. After a soothing bath, her damp hair is let down and sticks on to the back of her pajamas. She rummages through the closet beside her vanity table, quickly skimming through the different outfits she wants to bring with her. Holding out a nice, red _qipao_ with patterns of mighty dragons embroidered in yellow, she holds it to her and looks at herself in the mirror.

"It's one of my favourites… maybe I'll wear this tomorrow." She gives a nod and tosses the dress on the bed. Of course, she has to remember to wear her leather gloves Papi gave her for her sixteenth birthday. He says they prevent her knuckles from getting bruised which would help considering how much Yatos fight. Ah, there are her knee-high boots, though _which one_? She turns her head to look at a rack full of them and tilts her head. Kagura feels like a proper lady now as she fusses over them - ever since she had to buy her first bra she realized that she started to care more about the way that she dressed. She owes it to the counselor too, who emphasizes on a princess' image. Dressing up is part of duty too, she learns.

Kagura playfully sticks her tongue out at her reflection. Being a princess isn't fun at all.

There is a knock on the door. The Yato looks over her shoulder and at the wooden door that is painted pink as well to fit in with the interior of the room.

"Come in," she says.

Ogetsu's head pokes through the open door, her azure eyes looking at her daughter with curiosity. Kagura drops the boot she is holding and runs over to greet her mother with a bright smile, which she returns just as warmly.

Noticing the suitcase lying on her bed, the empress chuckles. "Excited?"

"Yeah! I'm going to miss Mummy."

"Oh?" She has an amused expression on her face. "What about your Papi?"

"I'll miss him too." She says dismissively.

Ogetsu laughs in response – they both know how Umibozu will flip out on his daughter's reaction towards him. As she looks at Kagura, she feels her heart slightly twinge.

Kagura is an exact identical to her mother. Though Ogetsu is ladylike, they share the same features: vermillion hair and cerulean eyes. The empress can see her younger self in her daughters' eyes. She remembers being young, wild and a huge tomboy around her age.

"You look just like your brother when he's excited." She gingerly tucks a strand of hair behind Kagura's ear.

At the mention of Kamui, Kagura scowls. It's not as if she is anticipating for Kamui to come home anytime soon, but that stupid brother could at least write her a happy birthday post-card! Hell, he could even write back home to tell them what he's doing. It's been a few years and he still hasn't returned.

"Big brother, excited?" Kagura snorted. "The only thing I can imagine him being excited about is fighting."

Which is true. Her brother is a huge fighting maniac and the only one who cares about fighting in the family. Her Papi used to too - a lot - until he decided to settle down. He's hunted a lot of aliens and fought off a lot of villains in all the bedtime stories he reads to Kagura and Kamui when they were younger. Kamui might have been inspired by his story somewhere along the lines and decided to focus on fighting. Not that the Yatos ever stopped being a bloodthirsty race, it was just that when Umibozu took over, he helped to unite the race. Kagura still sees them sparring all over the place but they're not after each others' necks like they did in the past – just breaking a few limbs for some good fun.

"He gets excited when it comes to family outings too, even if he doesn't show it."

"Well, if he really cares about us, he could've at least sent me a present or something! And he hasn't come back since he left. He might be dead, mummy."

"He could be busy. That's silly. Your brother is really strong; he'll be able to hold out his own. Now, enough talk about him, I came in to talk to _you_," Kagura shifts a little. "I really do hope you'll find yourself and come home quick."

"Mummy, I haven't even left!" The princess giggles. "But I promise, I will come back as soon as I can."

"I'm happy to hear that." Giving her a peck on the head, Ogetsu walks to the door and gives her daughter one last look. "Are you sure you don't need a guardian?" She asks, worried.

"I can take good care of myself! Good night, mummy." Kagura gives her an angelic smile, and bounces off to find her goggles when the door closes.

* * *

It is 2 o'clock in the morning, an hour before her flight departs.

Dressed in the red _qipao_ that she picked out the night before, Kagura stands in the huge hallway of the only airport that's present on their planet. She didn't bring her luggage with her - her sense of adventure tells her at the last minute that she wants to leave home empty handed, so she'll go on her journey without any help. Also, she realizes that it is a pain in the ass to drag the clothes and stuff all the way down to Hashi planet, so she'll just go down in her outfit. The sense of adventure she has might just be an excuse for plain laziness.

Hashi planet is a few hours away from the Yato's one, but she doesn't mind sitting through the flight since it is worth the wait. She has already read up about all the cuisine they have on their planet. The Hashi tribe is known for their amazing cooking skills, which are featured all over in magazines and cook books. Kagura herself has seen the Hashi on shows that she cannot mention due to censorship, but the three chopsticks that are on the Adult Hashi's head are distinct and easily recognizable. According to the history lessons she took when she was homeschooled, the length of the chopsticks vary with their cooking skills. That's why a lot of them are so good in cooking – they polish their skills for longer chopsticks. That is also why the door ways are always so tall in Hashi architecture.

She's definitely stoked to leave home, even though she almost cried when she kissed her parents goodbye earlier in the morning. There are so many kinds of food she wants to sink her teeth into on the Hashi planet. The thought of it makes her drool already.

Finding a spot to sit down, her eyes dart to the huge clock that hangs on the glass walls of the airport. Another forty-five more minutes until she can go on board.

"Damn. Should've taken the family spaceship." She grumbles.

Just like her 'sense of adventure' advised her not to bring along her luggage, it told the maids that none of them needed to accompany her either. Now she sits in the airport with no bags and alone. It would have been better if there was a companion to talk with. Looking around, the airport is full of foreigners walking around in groups. None of them notices her though, except a few pairs of eyes that ogle at her beauty. That, Kagura obviously ignores while killing them in her head. It bothers her how little these foreigners know about the Yato's imperial family.

Holding up her nails to feign interest in them, a familiar tune plays from her pocket. Surprised, the Yato takes out her phone and stares intently at the name on screen. It's Papi.

"Hello?" There is heavy panting at the end of the other line, which makes Kagura wonder what could be so urgent.

"K-Kagura!" Umibozu's voice regains breath. "You haven't boarded the flight yet, right?!"

"Well, no…" The panic in his voice starts to worry his daughter as well. Kagura slowly stands up and speaks into her phone again. "Papi, what's wrong?"

"Good! Don't board it! I need you to come home right now!"

"Got it." Without hesitation, Kagura hangs up and looks at the clock again. Half an hour more to her flight. But there are more urgent things she has to attend to. The princess pushes the trip far behind her mind and starts running through the airport, her boots making '_cluck-cluck_' sounds against the polished floor. In place of the trip, she now thinks about all the possible scenarios that could be happening at home, and it makes her run faster.

The door to a taxi opens violently and slams shut, causing the driver to look in the rear-view mirror with irritation. Only, his expression changes slowly when he realizes who is in his car.

"P-PRINCESS!"

"IMPERIAL PALACE, NOW!" Kagura shouts frantically, which makes the older Yato step on the accelerating pedal. He wants to ask questions, but the princess looks way too strung up and uptight for him to do so. Having driven so many passengers for so long, the driver has long grown to read the atmosphere. So the only thing he can do is send her where she wants without saying a word, but then another more important question comes to his mind.

Does she even have money on her?

* * *

"PAPI! What's…?" Kagura bursts through the doors to the Imperial Palace, but her voice falters at the sight of Umibozu seated with another person in the living hall. The man has an odd hairstyle, if she can add. Both of them hold a tea cup in their hands and she swears her father looked so peaceful the phone call seems like a hallucination.

Umibozu, upon seeing Kagura, sets the tea down and beckons to her.

"Great General, this is my daughter, Kagura." The distraught princess regards the Shogun with a blank expression.

"What's going on?" She wants to say, but he interrupts her.

"Kagura, this is the Shogun of Edo, Tokugawa Shige Shige. He's from Earth." The Shogun looks up from his tea and gives her a polite nod. "The Shogun and I are having a wonderful time talking and having tea. Do you want some, Kagura?"

_What_?

Kagura, who is annoyed at this point, grabs her old man by the collar. "Papi, nothing's wrong!"

"Of course nothing's wrong. Why did you think something was wrong?"

"WELL," She loses all patience by this point. "YOU CALLED ME TO COME BACK HOME IN AN ANXIOUS TONE! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU JUST INVITE ME BACK HOME FOR A STUPID TEA PARTY? Go to hell!"

Umibozu holds his hands up in front of him and panics. "K-Kagura? Please calm down!" Maids step forward to attempt to help, but they're stopped by the princess' glare.

"Please calm down, princess." The Shogun decides to speak up, which makes both father and daughter turn to him. "Your father is a pleasant man to work with, and I've managed to form an alliance with him. It is a great help to have relations between the Yato and my men back on Earth, and in order to improve our relations I asked for his permission to have the aid of his beautiful daughter."

At the word 'beautiful', Kagura lets go of Umibozu's collar and slowly sits down on the couch. Her face is crossed between a faint blush and a scowl, and she feels her anger simmering. She's an easy person to please. Her father throws the Shogun a thankful glance and gives Kagura a candid smile.

"That's right. I didn't want to give away my precious Kagura at first, but your mother and I have decided to send you to Earth instead. I'm sorry about the trip to Hashi, but we'll have to postpone that." Leaning in closer to her, he whispers. "There are more important things you have to do for the family right now."

Kagura's eyebrow twitches, but she doesn't shout this time. Instead, she says in an exasperated tone.

"I don't understand what the hell you're trying to say! What aid and what about giving me away? Tell me what's going on!"

Umibozu hesitates, before looking at Kagura in the eyes. His expression is dead serious – it reminds her of the face he has at all the meetings, the kind of face he'd put up to show how serious he is. This makes the Yato cringe. She doesn't know why he has that face on, but it gives her a bad feeling—

"I'm saying that you're going to be sent to Earth, and you have to marry one of the royalties there, Kagura."


	2. Chapter 2

Silence falls upon the room right away after Umibozu's words. It does not stay for long, however.

"I'm not going to marry anyone." She looks at her father in the eyes and replies, a resolute gleam in her gaze. Following after her prompt reply, she attempts to leave the hall, though the servants take this chance and run up to her - fussing over her hair that's flying all over the place from all the running and crinkles in her _qipao_. The princess holds up a hand to stop them.

"I'll be in my room now, if you'll excuse me."

The stunned maids step back, looking worriedly after their master. One of the newer maids walk up to Umibozu and is about to ask him about chasing after her, but he picks his cup.

"Leave her be." He does not turn to face his maid, instead facing the General. "I'm sorry, Great General. My daughter can get out of hand sometimes. I'll talk to her later." In return, Tokugawa gives him a sympathetic smile.

The balding father thinks he might have looked pretty cool then, but the constive look he unknowingly wears worries everyone else in the room. It's a dead give-away, and even the Shogun can't find it in himself to say anymore words of consolation in fear of hurting the Yato's paternal pride. He imitates the father and chooses to occupy himself with tea instead.

* * *

The sounds of clashing wooden swords greet a Shinsengumi morning like how birds' chirping would to civilian mornings. Shinsengumi's demon vice-commander, Hijikata Toushiro, sits on the wooden patio with his default stance of folded arms and frown, though it might just be a neutral expression of his. He watches the men that stand on the open space before him closely. They're all sparring, and since Kondo attends to paper work at this timing, he's stuck with the task of facilitating morning trainings with the other members.

He doesn't mind it much though. The mornings entitle him to several things that he can enjoy, before the day spirals into inevitable chaos like always from late noon onwards. For example, he does not need to worry about being killed, since Sougo is nowhere in sight due to his habit of sleeping into afternoons and that lessens any assassination attempts directed at him. Also, mornings give him a chance to rest from his own training done at the crack of dawn. He doesn't find mornings all that bad like how the men find it to be when they wake up looking like they were drugged the night before. In fact, when not with a hangover, the vice-commander enjoys waking up early and starting a new day at his own pace.

Hijikata continues to survey the groups of men engaged in a struggle against their swords when he's interrupted.

"Good morning, Toshi!" A cheerful Kondo arrives to stand beside Hijikata.

"Good morning, Kondo-san."

"Ah, you could tell I had something to say? You really do understand me."

"I didn't say anything… But I do know that you wouldn't be here without a particular reason."

At Hijikata's words, the commander gives a sheepish smile. His cheerful voice drops to a whisper, as if the busy Shinsengumi men will hear him.

"Yeah, I received some pretty big news, but I don't want the rest of them to know anything about it yet."

"News?"

He gives an affirmative nod. "The news came from the Shogun this morning. We have some things we need to take care of, and a person we need to protect. It's not the Shogun, though. It's going to be somebody else with a status that's as high as the Shogun. We'll have to be as careful as we can on this one, Toshi."

'Some as important as the General?' Hijikata thinks, and wants to ask about the details, though someone beats him to the punch.

"Why are you behaving so suspiciously in the morning, Hijikata-san?" Another voice cuts in; a voice that makes Hijikata cringe inside. A young man with sandy brown hair and a distinct eye mask strapped to his head appears from the shadows of the corridor, a hand casually holding on to the hilt of his sword. He holds it casually, so casually that it feels dangerous to the vice-commander. If Sougo were to whip out his sword and stab him right there and then, it might really be labeled as accidental homicide. The thought of it makes him cringe again.

"We won't tolerate insiders betraying the Shinsengumi. You really ought to die."

"Good morning, Sougo!" Kondo, painfully oblivious to the tension between the two, greets him with a bright smile.

"Morning, Kondo-san. Hey, do you need me to get rid of this guy over here?" Sougo points to Hijikata with the hilt, causing him to scowl.

"No, no! Toshi and I were just having a little chit-chat. About the weather and stuff like that. I still have other things I need to do, so I'll go first. You guys have fun!" The commander looks down at the seated vice-commander. Then, he says to Hijikata in a hushed tone, "We'll have a meeting tonight."

"Hn."

By the time the unsuspecting Kondo turns around to head back to his room, the sheathed sword in Sougo's hand is unsheathed, and he holds it steady and pointed at the back of Hijikata's head.

"Don't fool around, Sougo." The man refuses to turn his head and says flatly, as if he's repeating instructions for the nth time.

The Sadist has a mischievous glint in his eyes that rival the devil's. "I'm not fooling around."

* * *

A maid tentatively knocks on the pink door and calls out with a quivering voice.

"P-Princess… Can I come in?"

She waits for a response, and there is none.

She's growing worried – it's been a few weeks since their princess has locked herself up in her room. The meals placed at her door are the only things to assure them she's alive. She finishes them up and leaves it outside in a record speed of a few seconds, which gives them little chance to see her face. The other servants who surround the maid are just as worried.

In her room, Kagura lies on her bed, staring up blankly at the frills of her canopy bed. She doesn't bother to turn on the lights - her eyes are long adjusted to the darkness in her room and the sounds of the rain outside tapping on her windows. Turning over to her side, she grabs a bunny and pulls it closer to her.

She has that feeling again. The princess sinks her head into the softness of the bunny and curses, though it comes out muffled..

_How dare he_?

She chucks her Sadaharu number 6 plush across the room, taking it for Umibozu. She has been so mad with that baldie that she refuses to come out to even see his face or anyone's face, at all. Even at the age of eighteen, she hasn't gotten over the whole teenage drama phase. She's knows she's supposed to act more of her age, be more of a princess…

"Screw it!" Another Sadaharu plush flies across the room. Just then, there are knocks at the door again.

"Princess!" She hears the chef calling her, and she lies on the other side so that her back faces him. The servants don't know how much she wants to open that door and let them in. Alas, she can't. She looks straight ahead at the windows facing her, willing herself to not turn and walk over to the door.

"I really hope you're alive and well in there. How's the food? Master told us to prepare your food before he left, he's really sorry about it."

He left? Something stirs in Kagura, something that reminds her of some bad memories, but she doesn't move. Her eyes watch as the raindrops slid down the window panes, and she hears the sounds of the rain getting louder. It's chilly in her room - like the rain outside is affecting her room.

"We are all very worried about you, Princess. So if you would please, just let us in…" More voices join the chef at the door.

"Yes, princess, please…"

"The master's already gone, and we've prepared your favourite bubble bath for you."

"Please?"

The wooden pink door suddenly slams open and Kagura, whom is in a mess, stares at the servants crowded around her door. They stand back at her appearance and _smell_. Now that they've realized, the princess hadn't bathed for two weeks and they had to hold their breaths.

Walking past them, she headed down the hall that led to the bathroom and the servants looked back and forth at the princess and at her room. Some then scurry down to fetch new clothes, while others look at the toys that are scattered about everywhere.

Only the first Sadaharu plush sits in the middle of her bed.

* * *

With her whole body submerged in the warmth of the bubble bath, Kagura lies her head on the corner and slings a hand over the edge of the tub. Warm waters feel so different from cold ones. It doesn't count as bathing, but she puts her hand outside the window sometimes just to feel the cold droplets hit her skin when she locked herself up. It makes her fingers pruney afterwards, but she likes the cool feeling of it.

She's soaked in the bath for too long, especially when she feels her skin starting to get all wrinkly. Standing up, the Yato comes out of the waters and heads to the stands that hold her dress. It's a pink one this time, and unlike the others is a plain one. Kagura puts on the dress quickly, leaving her hair down to dry.

She opens the door and steps out, taking a few steps and then –

… a strong arm wraps around her neck and pulls her back, trapping her into a tight grip. This shocks the Yato, and she struggles, though the attacker is much stronger than her. It seems as though the more she struggles, the tighter the grip becomes.

When she remembers that she can bite their hand, it's too late. Her vision starts to fade into black.

* * *

In a tropical paradise somewhere, Ogetsu hums along to a joyful tune. Her eyes are covered by shades and she sits under the huge umbrella that is shading her from the blazing sun. With her iced drink and servants beside her, she's definitely having a good time on Para Para planet.

"Do you need anything, your Highness?" One of them asks, and she shakes her head.

"No, thank you. Though, I think I will need to make a call to Earth later," Ogetsu gives them a knowing smile. "my dear daughter should be there already."


	3. Chapter 3

When Kagura comes to, the first thing she hears are the foreign murmurs growing loud around her. She's suddenly conscious of her upright posture and how much her back aches. The sounds are accompanied with laughter, and when she finally opens her eyes, a completely unfamiliar sight greets her.

The gray cushion of another seat in front comes into focus. Her hands are on the arm rests of her seat, and to her left she looks out a small window that shows space. It's literally space, which stretches beyond the skies on her planet. The Yato can trace the sources of the noise when she's aware of all the other passengers surrounding her – Amantos of different races and sizes and colours.

It takes her a moment or two, but she realizes that she's on a plane.

There are a lot of questions she has at the moment, but first, she has to be out of here. She knows that if she doesn't leave, she's probably going to end up somewhere that's definitely far from her home. Kagura starts to get up, only to clumsily fall back as something pull at her wrists. Looking down, she notices steel ropes bounded firmly to her wrists and legs. The more she squirms, the more the ropes cut into her flesh. Even with the legendary strength that comes with being a Yato, her attempts to break free are futile.

"What the hell," she struggles again, feeling more rage than pain. "release me! Release me right now you idiots! Oi!"

The voices die down and it doesn't take long for the passengers to locate the furious Yato. Most of them opt for simply gaping at her, excluding a few who step out to help, but –

"It's alright, everybody. Thank you for your help. There's no need." A voice rings out amicably, and Kagura turns to glare at whichever bastard who said such thing. But as soon as she sees the familiar face, she's at a loss for words.

"B-Big brother…"

"Yo, little sister." Kamui's beam doesn't falter when he sits down next to her, throwing a placating smile at the remaining curious onlookers, who hurriedly turn back to their own activities. Kagura scoffs. He calls her so easily, as if he hasn't just missed her birthday or been missing in action for so long.

"How about a little sibling reunion?"

"You just missed my birthday and you want a sibling reunion?" She grumbles, but gives in. There are a lot of questions that she wants to ask, but upon registering his unbelievably good timing and air of overly-normal nonchalance, she catches onto something, and links the puzzle pieces together.

"Wait, _you_ were the one who knocked me out?" Her look is one of disbelief when he slowly nods.

Realizing something else again, she spat, "… and Papi told you to bring me to Earth, didn't he?"

Kamui's eyes open – as if he's surprised - and he grins. "Smart girl!"

"That baldie! You have to release me. I don't want to marry anyone there! Hell, I'm only eighteen."

"Marry? B—?"

The speaker cackles to life, informing the passengers to put on their seatbelts and to prepare for flight. The plane itself starts to gather speed, and Kagura is jerked backwards when it launches off into space. A wave of nausea hits the Yato and she leans back into her seat.

Now's not a good time to barf. The only thing that is respite from her current situation is the face of her brother next to her. Kamui doesn't seem to be doing well either, sinking into his respective seat.

"I regret to inform you that turbulence is to be expected."

The plane drops in response, and goes back to normal after a while. Kagura wants to continue the conversation, though she stops when she sees her brother looking nauseous. That's what you get for missing my birthday, she thinks and laughs quietly to herself. Though, it doesn't go unnoticed. Her brother is sick, but still not sick enough to pull one of her pigtails down.

"Ow!"

"I know what you're thinking, stupid." He points it out cheerfully, and if her hands were free, she'd stick the finger at him.

* * *

For the third time that day, Kondo tries to lighten up the mood with his easygoing comments.

"Isn't the weather just great today!"

"Oh, at this rate, we won't be at risk of being late!"

"Look! Just half an hour until the plane touches down!"

Kondo's apprehension is understandable, however - they are protecting someone rather important. A Princess; a huge figure that stands up there with the Shogun. If there were to be even a single mistake, the Shinsengumi would be held responsible, and if that happens Hijikata's pretty sure that they'll really, really have to commit seppuku then. Kondo stretches like he's not thinking about such things, and he forces a smile. The two of them are here in the main terminal of the airport, waiting. Since the 'Princess', as reported, is going to be arriving soon, they're playing it safe by turning up early.

"What kind of girl do you think she'll be? Do you think she'll have a nice body? She'll be the perfect wife?" Kondo puckers his lips as if going in for an imaginary kiss while hugging himself and rambling on about his speculations of the princess. Hijikata, for the sake of his own well being, chooses to ignore the commander. His bet is that the princess will be a spoiled brat, but he doesn't say it out loud. Instead, the vice commander chooses to convey his thoughts by giving an exasperated sigh.

* * *

Back on the plane, Kagura's in the worst mood possible. Her brother won't stop vomiting his lunch; the noise around her is getting sharper and sharper and she's stuck on this plane, forced to fly off to somewhere just so her ass can be married off. Of course, the headache that she's having from the rough flight is just the thing she needs.

The mini-screen in front of her shows a scene of some couple talking in another language she doesn't understand. All Kagura notices is that they talk funny and that if she was in the mood, she'd imitate them just for fun.

"Earthlings talk pretty funny, huh?" She says it to Kamui, but the only response she gets is his incoherent retching.

* * *

"Flight Y311 has landed. I repeat, Flight Y311 has landed." Someone says from the speakers, and Kondo recognizes it as the Princess' one. They stand in silence, each waiting for the moment where the Princess could be out of the exit door.

Any minute, now…

Amanto pour of the doorways, and they start to search for the girl. The person that catches their attention is a single girl who comes out holding a single parasol, with brightly coloured hair and dons a kind of Chinese dress. Hijikata looks at his commander with uncertainty, she seemed to fit the 'Yato Imperial Family' description with her pale skin and umbrella. They catch her attention as well, her azure eyes narrow at the sight of their uniforms and she starts to walk faster. Kondo tries his luck by running after her.

"H-hello, are you Princess Kagura?" He yells awkwardly, and the girl comes to a stop. Abruptly, she turns around and glares at them.

"Yes, I am." She replies curtly, and turns on her heel.

"Welcome to Edo, Princess." At that, Kondo bows while nudging his vice-commander, who begrudgingly does the same. "We're here to escort you, Princess. Please acknowledge us!"

Her posture stiffens, though she doesn't say anything. Hijikata is reluctant to entertain their guest's attitude. The Princess seems angry with something, which would naturally mean that she's in a bad mood - and it makes him cringe at having to give in to that mood of hers for the next few days, or maybe even weeks.

Kagura's still pissed at how Kamui disappeared so fast the moment they landed. He wasn't anywhere in sight when she came out, and now he left her alone with Earth's policemen. There's a knot in her stomach, like she's drawing closer and closer to this damned fate. If I go back with them, what will they do? They might force her to sign the engagement contract right away! Biting her lip, she deliberates.

"Sorry…" Her words tumble out in a mumble and she takes off.

The two police officers stand there for a few seconds with darkened faces, slowly registering the fact that the Princess is first of all, _running away_, and that would lead to _a lot of unwanted trouble_, which ultimately ends up with _death penalty for them not doing their jobs properly._ Kondo is the first to speak.

"Chase after her!" He yells, and the both of them run.

* * *

Barely managing to find the exit of the huge Terminal, Kagura continues to run down the streets of Edo. The houses are all aligned with little alleyways in between them. Deciding that it would be the easiest way to escape and confuse her 'captors', she squeezes through the alleys that lead to another street every time she runs past one of those telephone posts.

The civilians are staring at her where ever she runs by and it makes her uncomfortable. If her looks are already gathering so much attention, how is she going to blend in? Not to mention, she's running without knowing where to go. The fact that those men in black would be everywhere in Edo narrows her chances of escaping. And wasn't leading her around her Kamui's job? Speaking of that idiot brother, she's still trying to wrap her head around his disappearance. He melted away so fast that she might even begin to suspect if her meeting with him on the plane was actually just a dream. Though, she can vouch for the pigtail that he pulled that the pain felt very real.

Stopping in another alley, she bends over with her hands on her knees and pants heavily. She doesn't even have her cell phone with her to call any one of her family members, and there's not a single cent on her that would let her rent a place for the rapidly approaching night. The Yato's back slides down the walls and she sits down on the dirty ground.

Seeing the pieces of cardboard stacked beside the various newspapers and bins, she realises that they are probably the last hope she has left. Her eyes start to droop, and she has the urge to take a short breather from her current state. That is, until a stranger's voice brings her out of her reverie.

"Don't sleep here. There are loads of dirty old molesters waiting around here to get young girls like you."

Kagura cranes her neck to see a man some years older than her, with the most distinct hair she's ever seen. Curly silver hair adorns his countenance that holds the expression of a dead fish. He wears a black shirt that's covered halfway by a white yukata, a method of clothing that would surely stand out.

"What do you want, old man?" Kagura growls. He might not be one of those men, but it doesn't mean that he's a good person. The perm head looks almost offended by her name for him.

"I'm no old man! I'm still young and in my youthful phase. Don't just go about calling people 'old', it could really hurt their feelings you know." He righteously says, and steps into the alleyway. The Yato notices that he's holding a wooden sword with him. Standing above her, he frowns.

"Where's your home? You look like a run away. Go home before you make your family worry."

"I can't go home, it's too far away! I don't have people who know me here; I've brought nothing with me, and now the MIB are chasing after me! The only place I have is," she pats the cardboard bedding. "my new bed here."

"Oi, oi. Don't end up like Hasegawa, you're still too young." He says while leaning against the walls beside her. Kagura doesn't know who is this Hasegawa person he's talking about, and he sounds like a homeless old man. She hears the perm head sigh.

"Are you a criminal or something? Those tax robbers wouldn't be chasing after you without a reason."

"No, I'm not a criminal. I'm…" she hesitates. It might not be could to disclose her identity since those things always bring trouble. "someone they need. There's something I need to do there, but I don't want to. And even if I protest, it's still my duty. I can't escape it…"

Silence passes between the two of them. Kagura still sees him from the corner of her eye, but he remains silent. He's looking up at the line of blue skies that are partially obscured by the roofs, thinking. The Yato looks back down at her dirty shoes.

"If you can't escape it, then why don't you make the best out of it? We can't always do whatever we want, but at least when we're forced to do something, the least we could do is to enjoy it as it is." He gives her a knowing smile. "Somewhere along the way, you might even find something that exceeds your expectations.

"It's better that you go back to them than to sleep on the streets like this. Besides, they gave you responsibilities, but that doesn't mean you have to fulfill them by doing it their way." With that, he leaves without even saying goodbye. She listens to the footsteps that fade away, and rests her head on her arm.

'Just a while more, and I'll get moving again.'

* * *

It's been three hours, and they've yet to find her. The sky is already darkening, and they are well aware of how hard it is to search for someone at night. What if the Princess was kidnapped and sold off as a slave? What if she was assaulted by a drunk? What if?

"Toshi, we'll go and find her again later. We'll be able to - she comes from the Yato tribe after all, and they're known for their skills in combat. She won't be so easily defeated, right?" At the last sentence, it sounds more like Kondo's trying to convince himself. The vice-commander, at a loss of what to do, nods. They've searched for almost all of Edo, and there's still no luck with finding the girl. A plan latches on to him, and he deliberates.

"Kondo-san, I think it's best if we tell the other men and speed up our search. The two of us are supposed to look after her, but isn't it better if there were more of them to help us out?" He offers, and it takes Kondo a few seconds to agree with him.

"We have no choice then, get the men assembled in the meeting room."

As the men gather in the room, wondering why they had a meeting at such a time (Shinsengumi meetings are usually held early in the morning or later on at night), Hijikata quickly clears his throat as a signal for them to quieten down. Okita is nowhere to be found however, so the vice-commander reckons he's already sleeping. He thinks about waking the boy up, but decides on choosing not to. They have to get on with the meeting now, and it would be a waste of time if he is to go and find the boy.

"My men, I'm sure you're all wondering why you're gathered here." The commander is extremely serious now, contrary to how he behaved before. "It's an emergency – as the Shinsengumi, we've been put in charge of a Princess from another planet, and regrettably, she is currently somewhere in Edo. We lost track of her when she arrived, which is why I'm sending all of you out to find the girl."

The officers give each other alarmed looks by the time Kondo finishes his talk. It's unsettling to see the panic on their faces – Hijikata can tell that they're starting to get noisy from the chatters in the room. He opens his mouth to silence them, only to be stopped by Kondo's re-assuring voice.

"We will assemble by the front gates in five minutes time. You are all dism—"

"There's no need for that."

All heads turn to the doorway. Kagura stands in the middle of it, some parts of her gown dirtied and stained brown, and there are scratches on her knees and arms. She holds her umbrella by her side, eyes staring straight at them. Not expecting the abrupt turn of events, the entire room looks back at her with mostly dropping jaws.

Awkwardly, the princess dusts her dress and averts her gaze to the tatami floor. "My name is Kagura, the Princess of the Imperial Family."

Then, noticing the mass of black uniforms, "Y-you are the Shinsengumi, yes?"

"… Yes! Yes, this is the Shinsengumi," Kondo, the first of them to break the silence, says quickly and walks up to her. He signals for them to all go down, and he does the same on a knee. "and I'm Kondo Isao, the commander of the Shinsengumi. We are pleased to meet the beautiful princess. I'm glad that you're safe."

"Is my big brother not here?"

"Huh? I'm afraid that he isn't…" The princess frowns, like she's recalling something bad. She raises her hand to gesture for them to stand, and she sighs.

"That stupid brother… Anyway, I need a place to stay for the night, so lend me your guest room."

"E-eh?" At her sudden change in attitude, Kondo scratches his head. "Y-yes, it's at the end of the hallway."

"Good." She pauses.

"If any of you dirty old men try to come in the room, I'll make sure you can't shit for the entire week. You hear me?" Looming over them, she says in a rough manner, with her umbrella perched on her shoulders. They shrink at the terrifying figure, and she feels triumphant. The plane ride was shit, but she managed to learn a thing or two about threatening people like those gangsters in the movies they offered.

"Y-yes m'am!" They bark, and she heads down the hallway.

"A-as you can see," It takes a few minutes for all of them to digest what happened. Kondo, being the one in charge, has to speak up again. He awkwardly says, "I suppose there is no need for that. We will retire for the night. Dismissed." All the men get up and leave for their respective rooms. Hijikata runs a hand through his hair, and walks over to Kondo. The latter turns to him with an unreadable expression and pats him on one shoulder.

"You will be in charge of showing her around tomorrow." Flashing him a thumbs-up, he turns on his heel and speeds away, leaving no room for any objection at all. "Sorry, Toshi, but she's yours!"

"Oi, OI! WAIT!" Stretching out a hand, he lets it fall to his side when he realizes that it's too late.

"Shit…"

* * *

Kagura stumbles into the last room. The lights aren't turned on, meaning that the only source of light she gets is from the moonlight streaming through the paper windows. Her limbs are sore from the walking around in Edo (especially when she got lost for half an hour, trying to find the way to the Shinsengumi compounds), and the mud from her dress that's already dried sticks to her skin, much to her disgust.

"Damn it." Shutting the door behind her, she grabs the end of her dress with a hand and pulls it upwards, while the other frees her hair from the buns that held her pigtails together. Shaking her head, the hair falls on her bare back, and she gives a relaxed sigh. Even if they were nice, sometimes she'd rather not wear the gowns. They got tight and uncomfortable, and she didn't like that she had to spend the whole day in them.

Ambling over to the drawer, she opens them in search of some spare clothes. Seeing as how Shinsengumi seemed to be full of men, it doesn't seem like she'd find any spare underwear. Still.

Undoing her bra clasp, she throws it behind her and continues to rummage through the drawers.

* * *

Okita likes his dreams. They give him the chance to kill and re-spawn Hijikata over and over again. As the fifteenth Hijikata falls on the floor again, he runs over to kneel beside the man with a smug smile.

"Die, Hijikata." Holding up the tobacco bottle, he holds it to the mayonnaise freak's face and is about to tip it down his mouth. The seemingly dead man suddenly opens his bloodshot eyes and glares at him. Said Hijikata who's supposed-to-be-dead catches him off guard and slaps him across his face, and slaps him again. He begins to assault Okita with multiple slaps, which feels almost real.

The boy wakes up to see all black.

"What the…" Muttering to himself, he groans and reaches up to pick off the object that's obstructing his view. It's dangling from his hands – it isn't a weapon, nor does it feel like his eye mask. Blinking a few more times, he brings it up to his face to make sense of what it is.

... And under the dim light of the moon, the first thing he sees is pink lace.

* * *

AN: Hello, my dear readers! (Please do not kill me.) Here, I present to you chapter 3 of Bamboo Royalties that is beta'd by **sixillusion**, my _sugoii_ beta-reader who helped to make Bamboo Royalties readable. Much thanks to her! I know I promised in the previous chapter for it to be updated faster but I have , I have a form of compensation: as my Valentines' gift to all of you, I'm uploading chapter 4 on V-day itself so you don't have to wait too long!

Isn't that good? Hoho. I love you readers and all of my reviewers, so here is a little present from me to you. Thank you for reading! (Edit: Re-uploaded since I overlooked some stuff for this chapter. Sorry guys!)


	4. Chapter 4

In an utter state of confusion, the police officer looks around frantically, recognizing his surroundings, which only served to increase his bewilderment. One of Shinsengumi's golden rules was that they absolutely forbade females to join. Hence, unless someone dared to sneak a female companion in, (thereby having to face the mayonnaise idiot's wrath? He didn't think so.) it should be impossible for a woman to be in the room…

At least, that must have been a thing of the past, because most unfortunately for Okita, the owner of the discarded undergarment comes into his vision not long after – a pair of slim, pale legs stands in front of him. His eyes travel upwards to an underwear-clad hip, and it's just his luck that the underwear matches with the bra in his hand.

Now, he doesn't need to guess.

His curious eyes continue to trail past the hip; the slightly jutted pelvis bones, the toned abdomen, the chest that's unfortunately curtained by long locks of wild vermillion hair…

And finally, the face.

A countenance that he hasn't seen before is set in a deep frown. She glowers at him, and the officer is, by this point, certain that the article in his hand belongs to this girl. He tries to keep a straight face despite his current predicament, and he's faring well –he's dealt with different cases in the police force, including the shady businesses that exploit prostitution or slavery, so he's somewhat used to seeing semi-naked bodies when they kick down the doors to private inns. Something about this girl makes it a little harder for him to do so, however.

Her eyes dart to the undergarment he holds in his right hand, and Okita is amused to a certain extent to see her face gradually reddening. Without hesitation, she bends down to snatch the bra from him, and despite trying his best not to look, he's still a man in the end, and her hair generously parts to show the rest of her breasts.

Pulling back, Kagura clutches it to her chest. Quickly, she points a finger at him accusingly.

"Don't you dare look or I'll make you eat your eyes." To which he begrudgingly complies, and she runs to the other end of the room to fetch her clothes that lie in a pile. After she puts on her clothes, the Yato goes over to the officer with big strides.

"What did I tell you bastards just now, huh?" She returns. The murderous intent that emits from her is disconcerting. Okita notes the umbrella that she suddenly has with her, and he can't help but feel that a fight might be breaking out. It's an unfair advantage since he doesn't have his sword by his side, but seeing as how this _woman_ looks so fragile, he's more confident than he should be.

She's making no sense – coming in to his room on her own accord and blatantly stripping, and now she's warning him?

"Wait. Lady, I think you've got the wrong idea—"

"Wrong idea my ass!" Her voice cracks; she is clearly hysterical. "What are you doing sleeping in _my room_? And I just said that I would make you sorry if I caught you, didn't I? You are asking for it, you damn Masochist."

Masochist?! He was no patient person, but this was possibly one of the biggest insults he can never swallow. The _Sadist_ gets up to see her eye-to-eye, his poker face already fallen apart.

"Me, the Prince of Sadists, a _masochist_?" She flinches when he grabs her arm.

"P-prince? You're not a prince! The uniform you're wearing is the same as the rest of them!"

"I'm not lying. You want to try me?"

To his surprise, a fist comes his way. He narrowly avoids it as it brushes past his jaw, though releasing her in the process. The girl jumps back, looking more pissed off than before. As much as he wants to avoid fighting, she's really getting on his nerves.

"Who wants to try a brat like you? I have better standards. If you really are a prince, then I'll have to call Papi and tell him that there's no way in hell I'm going to marry _you_."

Rubbing his jaw with the back of his fingers, he deadpans. "Marry me? Keep dreaming, little girl."

"You…!"

Leaping forward, she brings her umbrella down on him. In a second, his sharp reflexes kick in and he blocks her by sandwiching the umbrella with his palms. Kagura doesn't give in. Instead, she pushes forth with all her strength, while he counters with his. When her hands begin trembling from the exerted force, she's miffed at how this human is keeping up with her, a member of the fearsome Yato clan.

"G-give up already, there's no way you'll b-be able to win me." The Yato says through gritted teeth. It annoys the Sadist, whose face is inches away from hers.

"W-what are you talking about?" He taunts back with clenched teeth as well. "A-aren't you the one having problems keeping up with m-me?"

"I'm n-not having problems, you're the one!"

"Little girls shouldn't be l-lying, you know?"

"Gah! I'm… not… a… little… girl!" With all her might, Kagura successfully pushes her umbrella past his hands and whacks him directly on his shoulder. A loud crack resounds through the entire room just as he yells and falls back on his butt. Lifting his head to scowl at her, he stops when he sees that the crazy woman is preparing to hit him again! Before she can, he dodges to the side.

"HAAAAAAA—"

The wall which he had been leaning against just a few moments ago has a huge hole in it, with plaster scattered all over the floor. Kagura slowly rises like a beast, her blue eyes shining in the darkness. Apparently, she isn't satisfied until she beats his head in.

Bewildered at this woman's strength, the police officer desperately grabs a nearby object with his functioning hand and steadies himself. The badminton racket that he confiscated from Yamazaki earlier in the morning has proven to be useful, now protecting him from a monster. Screw shuttlecocks. Equipped with a weapon, they meet eyes, and he smirks. Admittedly, he is annoyed, but at the same time rather impressed with her insane strength.

"Don't get cocky just because you got a racket, brat! I'll blast a hole in those wires."

"I'll make you eat your words, you crazy woman."

* * *

At exactly three in the morning, most of the men are awoken by the sounds of things crashing and sounds resembling gun shots. Hijikata wakes up with a start, and seeing the silhouettes of the officers running down the hallways, he knows that he definitely isn't dreaming. Scrambling to his feet, he opens the door to see them heading thither the end of the corridor.

Vaguely, he remembers something about Kondo telling the Princess about the guest room situated at end of the hallway. Then, promptly hit with a sudden realization; the dreaded thought clears all grogginess in his head. The thought that is that there is also someone whose room is at the end of the corridor.

Someone that's not a guest.

Someone that would happily watch as his victims writhe in pain.

Someone that's a huge Sadist, and would never let anyone step on him.

Someone that's… _Okita Sougo_.

Well, shit.

Putting two and two together, Hijikata runs at a speed that amazes many of the men when he zooms by. It could be what they call, 'running for his life', from the look on his face.

* * *

"OI! STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING—"

The vice-commander runs into the room to see his worst nightmare: Sougo engaged in a brawl with the princess, lying below her and wrestling her with one arm. She, on the other hand, is trying to claw at his throat, hissing expletives that he's pretty sure a princess shouldn't be using.

"Get off each other!" Holding the princess back by locking both of her arms, he separates the two. She continues to squirm, however, growling at the other boy. He isn't satisfied either, getting up to pull a face at her, to which she attempts to scratch.

"Sougo! What are you doing? She's the princess, for god's sake!" Hijikata shouts at him, then he lets go of the princess and apologetically bows. "I'm very sorry, princess. Our police officer got out of hand—"

"I got out of hand? Hijikata-san, _she_ is the one who started attacking me and dislocated my shoulder. Princess or not, I still want to hit her!"

"I wouldn't have attacked you if you weren't peeping at me, you stupid pervert!"

"Pervert? Look, miss, you were the one who came into _my_ room and started stripping here. For your information, the poor innocent me was sleeping. Who would've wanted to look at you anyway?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

He has to hold the princess back again from hitting Okita.

As expected of her bloodline, she's strong, and the vice-commander has a feeling that she isn't using her full strength to resist him. It doesn't seem to be over yet for the both of them – both looking daggers at each other, each emanating a murderous intent. The easiest way to settle this is to get one of them out, and Hijikata is slightly apprehensive about asking either to leave first.

Thankfully, Kondo makes his entrance, coming in to the room (or what remains of the room) to apologize profusely. "I'm very sorry, princess, the room that I was telling you about is the room opposite this one. Please forgive my careless instructions."

"Hmph!" The Yato turns away from the Sadist, huffing. Then, she wordlessly takes her leave, but not before giving Sougo the finger.

The commander rushes over to the injured boy, who struggles to stand. While the men surround him, they stop as soon as they feel the bad vibes from him. Kondo tentatively walks over to support him, with Hijikata at Okita's other side.

"Hang on, Sougo! Mummy and Daddy will get you to the doctor fast!" Easing him into the car, Kondo revs up the engine and drives as fast as he can through the dark streets of Edo. Okita lies at the backseat, not saying a word.

For once, Hijikata doesn't complain about the parental titles. He's too occupied with checking up on Sougo every few minutes through the rear-view mirror. Seeing the boy's lowered head, he stops after a while when he thinks that Sougo is probably resting.

Little does he know that the boy is actually smiling underneath his shadowed face.

"Heh. That girl…"

I'll make sure to pay her double, is his final thought when they pull up to the hospital.

* * *

Sougo was fine, much to the relief of both of his 'parents'. He's doing well with recovering at least, was what the doctor said after the check-up, though he had to forfeit from his duties for a week to rest his dislocated shoulder. Hijikata really isn't one to complain about things, but the fact that he now has to do half of Sougo's job (in pitying his vice-commander, Kondo had agreed to split the workload), and look after the haughty Princess from some faraway planet…

It's too much. Just from just looking after the princess, he already feels like he's going insane.

The three of them only managed to return to their headquarters at dawn with little sleep. He went to bed for barely five minutes when his alarm sounded, and when he dragged himself through training with the men, he was looking forward to the spare time of half-an-hour after that to catch up on sleep. Until, the Princess had stormed in herself to personally wake him up.

"Oi, wake up and do your job already." Kagura ordered, and delivered a kick that sent him flying out of his futon and out to the patio. His task was to bring her to a host family and ensure that she would be in safe hands by staying together with her for three days, and he recalled Kondo telling him about how they had to go to the house in the afternoon, a few hours from then. It was enough to send him in a hurry - till he received news that the family was having some problems and was only available after a few more days.

Finally, Hijikata thought that he could rest for a bit and was heading back to his room, but Kagura apparently thought otherwise.

"Show me around town." She instructed him flatly, while examining her nails. Since he couldn't say no, he had little choice but to oblige.

Even though it wasn't night time, Kabuki-cho continued to bustle with activity. Many of the shops were already open, and the residents were already walking around and preparing for the day. Due to his lack of sleep, however, the vice-commander failed to appreciate the morning's fresh air and activity.

Moreover, the princess had managed to drive him up a wall. Kagura had, firstly, asked him to buy many useless things that she hadn't spared a single glance at with his own money, saying that they were souvenirs for her people. Additionally, they were also _expensive_ things that were leaving obvious holes in his wallet.

"W-what do you even want this for? Who would want such a thing?!" The vice-commander yelled with indignation when she held up the hundredth souvenir to him: a backscratcher that was unnecessarily studded with cheap gems, making it less than functional.

"It's none of your business – just buy it!" She shoved the thing closer to his face and left, leaving him to gape at the shopkeeper, who had an impatient look on his pudgy face. Taking a deep breath, he put down the other bags of souvenirs to pay the man and hurried after the princess.

Then, like she was bent on torturing him, she ate so much that it was another hole to his wallet as well. Pointing at different stalls, she would say that she wanted to try this and that. No, he chided himself as he looked at her face; it wasn't cute when he was the one who was going to suffer in the end.

When their food had arrived, Hijikata couldn't help but notice that the strange look on her face while staring at his bowl. He didn't even need to ask to know what was on her mind, since the next moment she pointed at his Hijikata special and asked with genuine curiosity, "Why did you order dog food?", and pointed at the sign that prohibited pets. "No dogs allowed, see?"

Taking another deep breath to regain his bearings, he muttered, "Just shut up and order already."

"Sure, Mayora."

"Oi, who's mayora—"

"Yo, lady! Give me three bowls of katsudon, two bowls of unadon" The first spoonful of the mayodon was violently coughed out of the vice-commander. "and for the ramen, one bowl of each flavor. Oh, and for the dessert-"

* * *

Kondo finds a crime scene when he opens the door to Toshi's room.

The vice-commander is sprawled on the floor, with empty cigarette boxes scattered all around him. To prevent his dear old friend from going somewhere far, far away, he grabs the man and shakes him, screaming in his face for him to wake up. Hijikata weakly raises one hand.

"Kondo-san… burn me… kewpie mayo… in… the… afterlife… Remember, Kewpie…" Saying his last words, Hijikata lets his head fall. Despite the commander's vigorous shaking, he never opens his eyes again. Naturally, it led to more tears, and more gross sobbing on Kondo's part.

"T-Toshiiiiii!"

"It was about time." As if he has been reciting the words for a long time, Sougo waltzes into the room and shakes his head, looking almost reproachful at his dead vice-commander. The act is convincing, until he looks at Hijikata with a face that's desperately trying not to smile.

"Sougo! Call the ambulance, quick!"

"Sorry, Kondo-san, but I think he's already gone." Placing a free hand on Kondo's shoulder, he solemnly says, "Let's just let him rest in peace."

Sougo takes out some weeds from his back pocket and puts it on the supposedly dead Mayora's chest before wiping away some imaginary tears. "My condolences. They were your favourite flowers, weren't they…"

While Kondo quietly prays for his vice-commander who is supposed to be dead, the Sadist does not miss the chance to talk. "I think I know why he ended up like this," the boy begins as innocently as he can. It gets the commander's attention, and he tries to suppress his smirk. "Don't tell anyone, Kondo-san, but, the princess; I saw her putting poison into his bottle this morning."

"R-really?"

"Yeah. In order to avenge my fellow policeman, I'll take care of her in his stead. It's extremely dangerous, but I'll do my best." The fight that Sougo and the princess is completely forgotten by Kondo in his throes of sorrow, and he nods without thinking.

"Be careful, Sougo. Avenge Toshi!" Giving a bow, the Sadist excuses himself and leaves the room.

* * *

Although Hijikata is rendered unconscious, he, upon hearing the entire conversation, sees through the boy's plan when Kondo barely suspects a thing. In his semi-conscious dream, he chases after the voice of the Sadist through fields of mayonnaise, desperately attempting to stop him.

"Stop him, Kondo-san!" He begs, and the gorilla standing in front of him grunts and scratches its butt. What will he do now? And what the hell were the 'flowers' that the kid scattered all over him? Oi! Leaving him with no choice, the Mayora continues to plow through the field. Yet, as he runs, it's like the boy is getting further and further away…

_SOUGOOOOOOOOO!_

* * *

AN: … C-come on, it's only been like, what, ten days since Valentines'? I-I'm trying, right? (Go ahead and wallop me with bamboos, guys. Really sorry bout' that.)

Thankfully, my beta-reader stopped me from procrastinating further and she had also told me that I should really stop promising to update soon Oops. Um, so I guess you can expect to see the chapter in the future (maybe soon, maybe never—I'm kidding not really) Thanks for reading, as always!


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